10 things women who get cheated on have in common

If your man is a philanderer, it’s probably not your fault. But if you’ve gotten hurt by a player more than once-or you know someone who has-you’ll want to check out what top relationship experts say could be part of the reason.

1. You were “cheated on” by your father. 
If your dad abandoned the family, was abusive, or didn’t pay much attention to you, it often triggers a cycle, notes Jeanette Raymond, PhD., a licensed psychologist in Los Angeles, CA. “You expect the same from every man.” Dr. Raymond recalls one couple who was happy until he was socializing more with his co-workers. She grew very possessive, and started checking his phone. Even when he was out with his brother, she assumed he was cheating. “She felt as if he didn’t care about her, just like her father,” says Dr. Raymond. Her partner eventually did cheat on her, he admitted, to make her back off. Women stuck in this cycle need to mourn the loss of what didn’t happen as a child and let it go. “Try looking at the facts, not just your feelings,” suggests Dr. Raymond.”
2. You mistake attraction for love. 
Attraction just happens. Love is something that builds over time and takes work. Sure, attraction can lead to love. But not always. “Female-to-male attraction works the same whether you’re 16, 36 or 56,” says Scot Conway, PhD, relationship coach and author of Emotional Genius. “A top attractive quality in a man is when he doesn’t need your approval.” Men who don’t need a commitment tend to have extreme self-confidence. “If you understand that attraction is one thing and love is something else, and the first doesn’t always lead to the second, you have a massive advantage,” says Dr. Conway.
3. You’re attracted to the “wrong” guys. 

Women who get burned again and again are overlooking the good guys. “The classic friend zone is where many of the best partners end up,” explains Dr. Conway. Why? Nice men can try too hard to impress you, which can be a turn-off. Sometimes what women want “is a bad guy they can change,” explains Dr. Raymond. So have a two-date rule: Give a guy a fair shake before you dismiss him. How do you know you’ve found a man who could really be there for you? “You can tell him anything without feeling embarrassed or that you’ll scare him off,” shares Dr. Raymond. “And he accepts you the way you are.”
4. You’re not really into sex anymore. 
No getting around it: sex is really important to men. If you’re just “going through the motions” and having sex you’re not enjoying, he might feel rejected and consider cheating. “Think of outings when he clearly doesn’t want to be there. After a while, you’d just as soon not go out. It’s the same with sex,” explains Dr. Conway. Try talking to him and telling him what you like and what feels good. “If you are not there to fulfil the needs of your partner, those needs don’t just go away. If it is something you don’t want someone else there for, you be there.”
5. You’re your worst critic. 
If you’re insecure about your body and often complain about it, he will start to see you through your eyes. Many of us do this more than we realize. “Do these jeans make me look fat? Do you think I’m gaining weight? I hate my cellulite. My boobs are getting droopy…You’ve got to stop!” says Laurel House, relationship expert and founder of ScrewingTheRules.com. “Let your guy view you as the gorgeous gem that you are. Act confidently. Embrace your body regardless of its shape and age.”
6. You give up your independence. 
“Some women give themselves so completely to the relationship that their partners feel uncomfortable and ‘bought’,” observes Dr. Raymond. And the irony is that in trying so hard to bolster the relationship, you become less like the woman he was originally attracted to. If you lose yourself in a man-canceling plans to be with him, only listening to the music he likes, posting only pictures of the two of you on Facebook-the man can feel trapped. And when one feels trapped, the instinct is to get free. “And they do that by cheating, because it’s an easy way out,” explains Dr. Raymond.
7. You believe sweet talkers are sweet guys. 
Women who don’t trust their gut when there are warning signs, are more apt to be cheated on. “I have a patient who is involved with a total jerk. But he wrote her a long letter, which she looked at as ‘his putting into words what he couldn’t say in person,’” says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based relationship expert and author of How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal. Women who are easy marks for cheaters tend to be moved by showy displays of affection. The guys quickly figure out that “those will suffice to keep them connected and take her attention away from what’s actually going on,” notes Dr. Greer. “Rather than taking him at his word, go by his behaviour, because often that’s the real him,” she suggests.
8. You’re a Workaholic. 
If you’re working extremely long hours, or are unavailable, he’ll feel neglected, says Dr. Greer. If the circumstances can’t be avoided, compensate during your downtime. Even if you only have one day a week free, use that day to prioritize your relationship. Make every Saturday night, say, a non-negotiable date to snuggle on the couch with a movie. Talking openly and frequently about when you might need to be unavailable and how long you expect it to go on is essential. If you don’t, over time, he may act on the “abandonment” by cheating.
9. You don’t take pride in your appearance. 
We know what you’re thinking: Like he’s Jared Leto? But hear us out. Not taking care of yourself at all sends your man a message: Leave me alone, says Carole Lieberman, MD, author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. Guys can translate your lack of interest in feeling and looking your best as lack of interest in them, a blow to their self-esteem. That same “you’re not worth it” message can be sent when boundaries disappear too. “Women who get cheated often started using the toilet, farting, and waxing their upper lip in front of him,” adds House.
10. You put the kids first. Always. 
If you never give your husband first dibs on your time, he’s going to wish he was with somebody who thought he was important. By first dibs, we mean, sticking to date night plans even though your daughter was just invited to a sleep-over, needs a ride and is having an “all my pajamas are ugly!” meltdown. “An assumption among women who are cheated on is that their relationship can wait until the kids are older and things ‘get easier,’” notes Antoniette Coleman, Psychotherapist/Relationship Coach in McLean, VA. It can’t. “Break this cycle by learning to be ‘a good enough mom,’” urges Coleman. “Send store-bought cupcakes to the bake sale, volunteer at school once a month instead of once a week, let the kids have downtime instead of scheduling every moment of their day. You’ll free up energy for yourself and your spouse.”

Source: Yahoo Shine

Five health-conscious habits that can improve your love life

Not many people translate healthy relationship tips in the literal sense. Rather, they assume that healthy relationship tips merely tell you how to keep you and your partner on solid terms, better able to weather through whatever storm comes your way.

But, there are actually healthy relationship tips that better your relationship, as well as your physical health. In fact, there are five main ways to add years to your life and life to your love:
#1. Ditching the Cig
The first of the healthy relationship tips involves the cigarette: Put it out. Stomp on it, smash it, rip it up into a dozen pieces — do whatever you need to to assure your addiction has gone up in smoke. When it comes to health, the reason for this is obvious: Smoking causes heart disease, respiratory problems and all kinds of cancer. But, it doesn’t only minimize your well-being, it keeps your love life from igniting as well.
A survey by the dating app Hinge attests to this, as online profiles of smokers are rejected a whopping 89 percent of the time. This makes them 61 percent more likely to be rejected than their non-smoking counterparts.
#2. Adopt a Pet 
Guys may think girls go for men with the nicest car, the biggest houses or the fattest wallets, but they really go for guys with the cutest pet. Still, where you get your pet can play a role in how women view you.
A survery by PetSmart found that 59 percent of singles said dates are more attractive when they adopt a pet rather than merely buy one. The survey also found that 35 percent of single women have been more attracted to someone because of their pet and 70 percent agreed that how a date treats their pet is highly important.

Adopting a pet also brings good news to your health. On average, people with pets are believed to live seven years longer than those who don’t have canine or feline companionship. Pets have also been found to lower blood pressure and stress in humans and make them more active. The latter is especially true for dog owners.
#3. Get Up and Get Moving
Being physically active is among the most important healthy relationship tips because getting up and getting moving can actually lead to getting it on. The reason for this is rather simple: People who are active give off a sense of adventure, excitement and spontaneity, all traits that are attractive to members of the opposite sex.
It’s virtually a no-brainer how physical activity improves your health. But, for those who have been living under a rock or haven’t seen a doctor ever, physical activity has a myriad of benefits, including improving cardiac function, lowering stress, reducing blood pressure, maintaining a healthy body weight, strenghtening bones, looking younger and preventing cancer.
#4. Lose Weight if You Need To
Being a pound or two overweight might not impact your health too drastically, but being obese can reduce your lifespan, your mobility, and cause your organs to fail prematurely. It can also mess with your immune system, your coordination and your ability to perform everyday tasks. And then there’s what it does to your love life.
Sometimes, being obese minimzes your dating prospects because people are about as shallow as a kiddie pool. But the real damage from obesity comes from how it makes you feel about yourself. It drastically reduces your level of confidence, forcing your ego to tell you that you just don’t have game. Once your ego takes this stand, your dating life does indeed become DOA.
#5. Don’t Over-Tan
There is a big difference in going out in the sun to get a little color and getting so much color that you look like an Oompa Loompa. Over-tanning simply makes you look unattractive, older than your years. and rather leathery — qualities not a ton of people are looking for.
On the health front, tanning leads to skin cancer, which isn’t usually a big deal unless it’s melanoma. Then it turns from being no big deal into a life-threatening one. Make the right decision and skip excessive tanning. Oh, and don’t forget your sunscreen!

Source: Magazine.foxnews.com

Why you should delay sex if you want a real relationship

Sex is tempting, but is it a good idea?

Premature sex creates an imaginary bond that isn’t strong enough to sustain a long-term relationship
A promising relationship can be derailed when people have premature sex before getting to know each other and learning if they are truly compatible. Premature sex rushes things and creates an imaginary bond that isn’t strong enough to sustain a long-term relationship.
Premature Sex = Lust
Having sex early on gives a man very little incentive to get to know who you are. When a man doesn’t know who you are, the sex he has with you is based on lust (i.e. physical gratification), instead of a real like or love (i.e. deep emotional connection).
A woman tends to feel an emotional connection after having sex, even when she doesn’t really know who the man is. If the sex is amazing, oxytocin will trick you into thinking you’re compatible, even if he isn’t the right man for you. You’ll tend to fall for him soon after based on the illusion of who you think he is. As you continue to have sex, your feelings become stronger and you feel more connected to him. You may even think you love him, when you actually lust for him.
Easy Come, Easy Go

Sexual encounters that are premature lead to short-term or on-again, off-again relationships that are about hanging out and hooking up. A man who sleeps with a woman who is quick to sleep with him, doesn’t think of this woman as someone to settle down with. His perception of an “easy woman” is easy come, easy go. She’s fine to sleep with, but isn’t marriage material.
If you find yourself having sex with a man early on, even if you tell him you don’t usually sleep with a man so soon, he won’t believe you because your actions show otherwise.
Take a Hiatus from Sex
If you want a real relationship with a man you really like and have been sleeping with him early on, stop having sex to see if you are both compatible. Taking a hiatus from sex will also show you if he is interested in the real you or just wants you for sex. A man who is only looking for sex will have no interest in getting to know you and will soon leave. While this may initially be hurtful, it’s best to know sooner than later.
A man who wants a genuine relationship will respect your wishes of taking a hiatus from sex until you get to know each other. He may not be happy about it, but he will deal with it. Learn what’s most important to him, what his values are, what his family is like, how he treats others, what he thinks about different topics, how he views the world, etc. Let him get to know you too.
Taking the time to learn about each other will reveal how compatible you are outside of the bedroom. If you’re both connected on a mind, body and soul level, this increases the possibility for your connection to turn into a lasting relationship.
The Bottom Line
If you want to be in a long-term relationship, delay sex until you both feel a connection on a mind, body and soul level. In doing so, you are knowing your worth by placing a higher value on yourself. As a result, you’ll attract a higher quality man who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

Source: Yourtango.com

4 signs you are not meant to be together

The concept of soul mates- two people sharing a deep and special connection- is one reality that most people crave for, but it’s however nothing more than a pipe-dream.

While the existence of the concept has been challenged, there is one whose validity remains beyond doubt- incompatible mates.
Since most of us are always confronted with the hurdle of choosing the right partner, here are four signs that you’ll know you and that partner of yours aren’t just meant to be together.
You and your partner find faults in each other
There is nothing more annoying than having a partner who is an obsessed perfectionist. Anything you do hardly seem right or perfect. Worse still, both of you constantly point out each other’s faults like a compensation would be given for the competition.
Pointing one another’s faults is good, it becomes bad when it constantly leads to misunderstanding.

You and your partner hardly see each other
If there are more excuses not seeing each than there are seeing each other, any more time spent in such relationship is a mere waste of time. You will fare well passing time playing badminton or something.
When you hardly miss each other or feel reluctant calling or message your partner, then waking up and walking away from that misadventure called a relationship would be the best decision you’d ever make.
If you both don’t mind being apart or you enjoy spending time with other people than your significant other, then it’s a sign that going further in such relationship is a disaster waiting to happen.
You avoid each other in public places
Except you have a phobia for public places or you both are running a reality show, avoiding each other in public places is a dangerous sign that such relationship isn’t heading anywhere.
If your partner isn’t proud to display you in public view or rarely liked to be seen with you and hides from you like you are carrying a leprosy, it could only mean two things- you are being used or (s)he is is hoping to meet someone else.
You and your partner have disagreements more often than not
If the amount of time you spend disagreeing is more than what you spend you enjoying the relationship, then your true Mr(s) right still needs to be located. If both of you have an extremely hard time tolerating (including that body odour that could wake the dead) and forgiving each other, then no prayer can solve your incompatibilty.
Worse still, if both of you scream at each other like you are senior members of Nigerian supporters club, then there is nothing more beneficial than parting ways.

Source: Informationng

What it really means if you’re dreaming about an ex

If you’re struggling to shake an ex out of your subconscious, you’re not alone. In fact, people are more likely to dream about an ex than their current partner, according to a recent survey by the online dream resource DreamsCloud.

The site surveyed 1,172 men and women about what goes through their mind mid-sleep. Interestingly, they found that 29 percent of people dreamt about past loves while only 25 percent fantasized about their current partners.
And get this: Less than one in five people would tell their partners if they dreamt about cheating on them. We’re guessing these people don’t talk in their sleep or they would definitely have some explaining to do.
But is a blast from the past haunting your dreams really a bad omen? “In general, having sexual feelings or dreams about other people is normal,” says licensed counselor and relationship therapist Anne McKay. “It doesn’t necessarily mean you want to cheat on your partner, it just means you’re comfortable having feelings for other people.”
That said, there’s a chance that exes appearing in your dreams could mean you still have some lingering feelings—positive or negative—toward them that you need to resolve, says relationship expert Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. But even if these dreams are becoming excessive, it still doesn’t mean that your current relationship is doomed.
“If you are in a fulfilling relationship, then frequently dreaming about an ex shouldn’t be a threat,” says McKay.

Instead, she says, it could mean that you might need some closure with the ex or you might be feeling guilty about the way things ended. Orbuch says dreams attempt to work out what you haven’t let go of, which could be why your ex keeps popping up while you’re asleep.
Finally, it could also be an indication that your current relationship isn’t meeting all of your needs, says McKay. So how can you tell what’s going on? Your best bet is assessing how happy you are with your partner in all aspects of your relationship—you know, while you’re awake, says McKay.
If everything’s great in your bond and you had a random dream about one hot night with your ex, it’s probably nothing. The bottom line: If you really want to know why you’re dreaming about an ex, you may have to look at what’s going on in your relationships with your eyes open.
So about keeping these dreams from your partner—should you stay quiet or spill the details? Orbuch says she wouldn’t recommend telling a partner unless there are major problems, like you’re actually thinking of cheating or the dreams remind you of flaws in your current relationship. In that case, you should take to your partner about the root of the problem, not necessarily the dream itself.
If you do want to bring it up, you might want to also consider how new the relationship is, says McKay. “If you’re in the initial stages of dating, it’s probably not a great idea to share because you’re not secure enough in your relationship.” (Plus, can you really blame your brain for still occasionally dreaming of your long-term ex when you first start dating someone new?)
But if you’re in a stable, healthy relationship where you feel comfortable enough to talk about it and don’t think it’ll lead to any irrational jealousy, feel free to broach the topic.
Because chances are, hooking up with an ex—like accidentally going into work naked—is something that you really don’twant to do outside your dreams.

Source: Womenshealthmag.com