7 incredible benefits of cuddling

Cuddling after sex for at least 15 minutes has lots of positive effects on your body & relationship.

We are natural-born cuddlers. From the moment we’re placed in our mother’s arms and realize that snuggled up all warm and cozy next to someone we love is the most perfect place one can be, we’re basically in it to win it.
There’s nothing quite like being wrapped in the arms of someone about whom you care endlessly.
In addition to cuddling feeling completely awesome, it also has a whole bunch of health benefits, too. Studies have found that engaging in cuddling after sex for at least 15 minutes has a whole boatload of positive effects on your body and relationship.
If you have the time to extend that 15 minutes into an extra 20 or 30, then all that great stuff just gets even better. It’s the couple that cuddles together that stays together.
Here are the seven benefits of staying locked in one another’s arms longer than usual.
1. It’s Great For Your Sex Life

According to research out of the University of Toronto Mississauga, those who make cuddling a mandatory ending to sex, report “higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives.” It’s not just because there’s sex going on, but because taking the time for intimacy after the act reaffirms the emotional and sexual bond there.
2. It Makes For A Happier Relationship
All that cuddling releases oxytocin, which is basically your “good time” hormone. Not only does the hormone run rampant during cuddle sessions, but, “it increases overall happiness,” says psychologist, Elizabeth Lombardo. Not to mention, the intimacy that comes with cuddling is important to the health and happiness of every relationship.
3. It Helps Relieve Pain
Sometimes, with just a touch, things are better. Think about when you were younger — whenever anything hurt, your immediate response was to call for Mom, because her touch was a magical cure-all. While nothing can outdo a mother’s touch, the oxytocin released during cuddling can actually ease pain in individuals. It’s a perfect combination of hormones and cuddles that can make a physical (or even emotional) ache bearable.
4. It Boosts Affection
The intimacy that comes with cuddling, especially after sex, cannot be rivaled by pretty much anything in the world. Not only does cuddling make for better affection, but it also allows us to communicate our affections without words, when words sometimes fail us.
According to David Klow, a marriage and family therapist in Chicago, “Most people want to feel understood, and communication is the vehicle by which they transmit understanding and empathy. Non-verbal communication can be a very powerful way to say to your partner, ‘I get you.’ Cuddling is a way of saying, ‘I know how you feel.’ It allows us to feel known by our partner in ways that words can’t convey.” So, you know, give your partner a squeeze, a nice long squeeze.
5. It’s Good For Your Immune System
What do we have to thank again for this one? Oxytocin. Without all that feel good action going on, the even greater outer effect of it all is a stronger immune system. You see, happy people don’t get sick; they just don’t. If you’re sick, it’s because you’re not cuddling enough. It’s science, people.
6. It Lowers The Risk Of Heart Disease
When I say it lowers heart disease, I’m also lumping in all the other factors that contribute to heart disease (high blood pressure, stress, anxiety), and saying it lowers them, too. The physical effects that a daily cuddle can have on your heart are amazing. As Holistic Health Counselor, Jodi Geigle,says, “when it comes to health, cuddling is pretty much the new half marathon!” But, in this writer’s humble opinion, it’s even better because you don’t have to leave the bed.
7. It Can Lead To Round 2
Although you may have just come off of some mind-blowing sex, the dopamine that’s being released during your cuddle session, according to ob-gyn Dr. Renee Horowitz, just increases that sexual desire again and again. You may need a rest, but keeping things close instead of jumping out of bed right after, is just asking for another round of the good stuff. And, as we learned, that good stuff is really good for every inch of you.
Source: Yourtango.com

How to handle an abusive spouse

Anger is the emotional energy within each of us that rises up when something needs to change. Anger needs to be talked about, but not acted out.
Acting out your anger (tantrums, yelling, violence) unless it is done in a carefully controlled therapeutic enviornment, simply reinforces the idea that anger is the same as acting out.
Those therapeutic sessions that urge people to express their anger with yelling are really intended for people who have trouble getting angry.
Anger management and abatement requires learning about your anger, what it means, what triggers it, and how to use it in a healthy way.
I teach my clients that “He who loses it, loses.” Expressing anger in an out-of-control way will ruin your relationships, cost you your job and land you in the hospital or in jail.
Instead, you need to understand how to recognize the growth of your anger before it’s too far gone to control and learn to channel it in healthy ways.

To express your anger effectively, follow these steps:
First, you must stay calm — If you raise your voice, you won’t be heard because the other person will become defensive.
If you aren’t calm, calm down before expressing your anger, count to 10, take deep breaths or talk to someone with whom you are not angry.
Figure out what you’re angry about. It’s common to be upset or angry but not know exactly what it’s all about. What are you feeling? Who are you angry at? What did he or she do? Taking the time to get clear about your anger will make it easier for you to be clear with your partner and easier for your partner to figure out what to do. If your partner did something wrong, just blaming still doesn’t make it clear exactly how you were hurt, or what the other person can do to make it right.
Know what will appease your anger. It is your responsibility to know what the other person can do to be forgive.
Understand if you’ll be doing any damage, to yourself or others, by expressing your anger. It’s usually not smart to tell your boss, a policeman, your mother-in-law or other people with power that you’re angry. It’s better to offer a solution in those cases. Also, when someone is deep in grief, or recovering from an illness or big problem like being fired, it is not a good time to talk about your anger. Doing so makes you look uncaring and narcissistic.
Only after these steps should you directly tell the person that you are angry (“I’m angry, and I need to talk with you about it”). Then explain what you need to fix the problem (“I need you to never hurt me like that again;” “I need you to pick up your mess;” “I am not willing to be friends with you if you gossip about me.”)If you’ve followed the steps, you will almost always get a positive response to your anger such as an apology and a promise to change behavior.
If you can’t calm down enough to do this, you may have an anger problem and need therapy or anger management classes.

Source: Yourtango.com

How to please your man without sex

Ask a handful of guys about what makes them feel close in a relationship and they’ll immediately point to sexual intimacy. But sex is not the whole picture.

All men have a variety of needs within a relationship beyond sex.There are a few generalisations about men you can consider when you’re trying to make your man happy.
But beyond that, you have to figure out what makes him tick as an individual. Pleasing your man outside the bedroom may require a little creativity.
• Space and Freedom: “Men are like rubber bands,” says John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. It may seem like he unexpectedly pulls away, especially when you have just started to feel close.
Most men have a strong need for autonomy and independence and don’t want to be smothered. Sometimes, a significant other can feel slighted.
If your man seems to be pulling away, show him love by letting go. Give him the space and freedom he craves. You’ll only push him further away if you cling to him.

• Respect and Admiration: One of the top needs for most men in a relationship is the need to feel respected and admired. You can communicate this respect through words and actions.
Sometimes, all it takes is a gentle squeeze of the hand and a verbal affirmation to let him know that you’re in his corner.
On the other hand, you can inflict some serious damage to his ego and the relationship with harsh criticism, flippancy or nagging.
• Love and Forgiveness: If you’ve got a laundry list of all of your man’s faults or the ways he’s hurt you, toss it out. By building a case against him, you’re stacking up reasons for him to leave.
After all, ongoing guilt is a load most men don’t want to carry. Men make mistakes, and many of those mistakes might seem stupid. Let them go and make him feel accepted through your forgiveness.
• The Honest Truth: Most men hate the games you’ll find in many relationships: half-truths, manipulation and underhanded passive-aggressiveness. They just want it straight, so speak what’s on your mind.
Many of them are terrible mind readers and will never figure out what you’re thinking. The less you’re hiding and the more clearly you’re communicating about your expectations, the more secure and less frustrated he’ll feel in the relationship.
• What He Likes: Take the time to figure out what is important to your man on a personal level. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, men have one or two “love languages” that speak to them: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch (which doesn’t have to be sex), gifts or acts of service.
Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., author of His Needs, Her Needs, explains that each person in a relationship has a specific set of emotional needs that his or her partner either is or isn’t meeting. A couple of needs common to men include recreational companionship and physical affection.
If you’re unsure of what speaks to your man, do some research and ask him questions. You won’t regret getting to know him a little better and you’ll find out what really gets him going.

Source: Gina Poirier

Some fathers are different and so sweet. Celebrating fatherhood

Celebrating fatherhood: Show of mixed feelings

Today is Fathers Day but in Ghana, the event comes without the hype and numerous enthusiastic activities that marked the celebration of Mothers Day a month ago on May 8.
Various reasons have been assigned to the seeming lack of interest in the event, with many people saying that they are unaware of the event while others say they just don’t have any interest in the celebration.

Fatherhood comes with responsibility
Fathers are considered the backbone of the family unit and it is worth celebrating their contributions to the maintenance of the family.
In the Ghanaian and African cultural setting, men can be termed and considered as fathers once they live a responsible life worthy of emulation.
This is, however, always not the case because while some fathers toil and sacrifice the luxury of life for the growth and development of their children, others do not even know the whereabouts of their children, not to talk of taking care of them.

“Sperm donors”
“If a man bears a child with a woman and fails to cater for the needs of the child, then he cannot be called a father but a sperm donor and that is what my father is”.
These were the words of 24-year-old Fredrick Osei who has not seen his father for the past 20 years since he left home.
“My mother has taken me through primary to university education, and currently I am planning to pursue a law degree at the University of Ghana Faculty of Law, and my mother is ready to sell her plots of land to help me if I get admission.”
For 26-year-old Ms Clara Afi, her father told her that he could not waste his money on educating his children, especially the girls, so he neither sent her to school nor helped her in any way to make a living for herself.
“My mother sold everything she had to make sure that my siblings and myself learnt some form of vocation,” she said.
The story of Mr Bobby Narh, a mechanic, is not different, as according to him, his father did not accept him at birth.
“My father did not even accept me as his child when I was born. He rejected me and never took up the responsibility of taking care of me” Mr Narh lamented.
Making the difference 
Nonetheless, some fathers have made a difference in the lives of their families and have exhibited exceptional qualities of fatherhood. Some have sacrificed the luxury and pleasures of buying flashy cars, houses and material things for the sake of their children.
“My wife died three months ago and it has not been easy combining work and taking care of my two sons who are between the ages of  seven and 10”
“I have to wake up as early as 3:00 a.m. everyday so that I can get them ready for school before I leave for the office. I have been doing this for the past six years since my wife got sick and died recently,” says Mr Adjei Larbi, a public relations practitioner.
Mariama Ampofo, a university graduate, said “I grew up knowing one man in my life and that was my father. Although I was recently told he was not my real father, I still hold him in high esteem as my father because he has always treated me with fatherly love, tenderness and care”.
“Even when he does not have money, he will make sure that he provides you with whatever you need. He spends all his monies on our education and deprives himself of the luxury car he can easily buy,” Sarah Amankwah, a student said.
Fathers impact on children
According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway website, children who have their fathers close to them are likely to be emotionally secured, confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers.  It said the way fathers played with their children also impacted on a child’s emotional and social development. Fathers spend a much higher percentage of their one-on-one interaction with infants and pre-school children, in stimulating playful activity than mothers.
The Children’s Act, 1998 (Act 560), section 47 states that “a parent or any person who is legally liable to maintain a child or contribute towards the maintenance of the child is under a duty to supply the necessaries of health, life, education and reasonable shelter for the child”.
Fathers’ care and love are irreplaceable in the heart of their children, therefore, irresponsible fathers should reform their ways and ensure that they take responsibility of the children they bring to the world.

Source: Graphic Online

What women really think …when you’re still friends with your ex

A testament to how great he is? Or is “just friends” actually code for “we’re still banging?”
The best part about our exes is that without them we wouldn’t be the people we are today, which, of course, can also be the worst thing about them, too.
Whether or not we like it, our exes, although our past, can still be a very present part of our lives, even if we haven’t talked to them in years. We may be through with the past, as they say, but it doesn’t mean the past is through with us.
But for some people their ex isn’t just a ghost that haunts them, but a real live person with whom they still have a close bond and friendship. To those who can still be friends with their ex they deserve a huge “kudos!”, but what about their new partner? How do they feel when the past just won’t go away?
We asked a few women their thoughts on men who are still friends with their exes. We asked a few women their thoughts on men who are still friends with their exes. Is it a testament to how great he is? Or is the phrase “just friends” actually code for “we’re still banging?”
Out of sight, out of mind

“They might be ‘friends,’ but I don’t really feel like being in the same room as someone who has also seen my significant other nekkid and isn’t his mom. Probably not code for ‘still doing it,’ but it’s unnecessary. I will throw in an exception for high school group of friends, because some groups passed each other around like a game of hot potato,” says Nicole, 33.
“I’m still friends with one of my exes, but he’s an ex from college and there are no feelings there at all. My boyfriend has never met him and has zero interest in doing so, because he feels he might get jealous. I guess I’d feel the same way if my boyfriend were still friends with his exes — as long as I don’t have to witness the private jokes and intimacy that’s still there, it’s OK. But he doesn’t keep in touch with any of his exes, so I don’t have to worry about it thank god,” Jennie, 29.
It’s all about trust, and lots of it
“I never hang with my ex so it’s hard to imagine… but how I feel about it depends on the relationship I have with the guy. If I have a solid one then I will be comfortable having my boyfriend staying close friends with exes. I would basically put my whole trust in the guy I am with, it’s just easier on my mind that way, and I am sure is better for the relationship,” says Mieko, 35.
“I don’t know. I’d like to think that my trust wouldn’t be broken, but past relationships have taught me that trust is a hard thing to NOT have broken. It would depend on the relationship and our level of mutual trust and respect,” says Courtney, 27.
I do it, so it’s cool if he does it, too… to a degree, of course
“I still meet up with exes on occasion, so I wouldn’t mind if they do. There’s always a line where it turns from being friendly and keeping in touch, to rekindling,” says Autumn, 25.
“I’m friends with all my exes, but maybe it’s because I never loved them? Anyway, I’m fine with the guy still hanging out with his ex as long as he has the relationship I have with mine,” says Natalie, 26.
No way
“Based on experience, men and women can’t REALLY be friends if they have a sexual history, so no f**king way. I wouldn’t tolerate it,” says Patricia, 33.
So, what about you? Are you down with your partner hanging out with their ex, or is it completely insane to put that amount of trust in someone? You have to figure that they saw something in them once, so maybe they could again? Or not. People are usually exes for a reason.
Source: Yourtango.com